Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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