i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
