So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
