Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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