I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
