Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
