She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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