I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
