I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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