i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
