yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
whose ass print is on the piano?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
