I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
