His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
