I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
