Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
