I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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