I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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