Christians are straight up FREAKS
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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