Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
