babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
