Fuck appropriateness.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
