fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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