it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
