just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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