If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
