just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
