u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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