I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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