I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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