My sheets look like a crime scene.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize