The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I fill condoms, not promises.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
