ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
