omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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