I like to think it a success when the cops are called
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
