Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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