sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
