So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
