listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
