My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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