After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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