my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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