you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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