so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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