My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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