my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize