He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
