Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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