some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
