The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
