I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
