his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
