I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
