well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
