did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
