I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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