when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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