I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
