This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
