i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
