I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
