hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
