No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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