This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
