OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
