what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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