I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
