afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
