hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
