My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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