we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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