Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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