Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
