he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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