I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
