someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
