i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
