When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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