Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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