Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
