WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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