I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
