He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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