Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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