If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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