GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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