i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
