I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
