he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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