If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
