If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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