he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
