somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize