Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she peed on how many people?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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