just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
