It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
