Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
