She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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