did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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