The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
