I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize