Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
