You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
