i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
