it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
