i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
