When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
