This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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