It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, beer. Big fan.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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