Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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