when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
