i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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