I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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