yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
