My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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