You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
