i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
