Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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